Parenting a teenager can feel like trying to solve a puzzle with missing pieces. Just when you think you’ve got it figured out, the picture changes, and you’re left wondering, “Why are THEY the way THEY are?” If you’ve ever felt this way, you’re not alone. The teenage years are a rollercoaster of emotions, growth, and challenges - not just for your teen, but for you as a parent too.
In her insightful book, WHY THEY ARE... THE WAY THEY ARE... : 9 Great Ways to Build a STRONG HOME TEAM, While Parenting Teens, Coach M J (Maninderjit Ahuja) offers a roadmap to help parents navigate this transformative phase with understanding, connection, and teamwork. Drawing from his own experiences as a parent, Coach M J shares practical strategies to build a strong home team—a family unit that thrives on love, trust, and resilience.
Here’s a detailed look at the key takeaways from the book and how you can apply them to create a stronger, more connected family:
1. Understand Their Universe
Teenagers live in a world that often feels foreign to adults. Their priorities, interests, and struggles are shaped by their unique experiences, peer relationships, and the digital age. To build a strong home team, start by stepping into their world. Ask questions, listen without judgment, and show genuine curiosity about their lives. When they feel understood, they’re more likely to open up and trust you.
2. Explore Their Core Beliefs
Teens are in the process of forming their identities and beliefs about the world. These beliefs influence their behavior, decisions, and emotions. As a parent, it’s important to understand what drives your teen. Are they struggling with self-doubt? Do they feel pressured to fit in? By identifying their core beliefs, you can address underlying issues and guide them toward healthier perspectives.
3. Foster Self-Identity and Confidence
The teenage years are a critical time for self-discovery. Help your teen build a strong sense of self by encouraging their passions, celebrating their strengths, and supporting them through failures. Confidence comes from knowing they are loved and accepted for who they are, not just for their achievements.
4. Master the Art of Validation
Validation is one of the most powerful tools in parenting. It doesn’t mean you have to agree with everything your teen says or does, but it does mean acknowledging their feelings and experiences. When teens feel heard and validated, they’re more likely to seek your guidance and trust your advice.
5. Balance Structure with Freedom
Teens need structure to feel secure, but they also crave independence. Striking the right balance is key. Set clear boundaries and expectations, but also give them the space to make their own decisions and learn from their mistakes. This balance helps them develop responsibility and self-discipline.
6. Create a Safe Haven at Home
Your home should be a place where your teen feels safe, loved, and accepted. This means creating an environment where they can express themselves without fear of judgment or criticism. When home feels like a safe haven, teens are more likely to share their struggles and seek support.
7. Prioritize Meaningful Communication
Communication is the foundation of any strong relationship. With teens, it’s not just about talking—it’s about listening. Make time for regular, meaningful conversations. Ask open-ended questions, share your own experiences, and avoid jumping to conclusions. The more you communicate, the stronger your connection will be.
8. Lead by Example
Teens are watching how you handle stress, conflict, and relationships. Model the behavior you want to see in them. Show them how to communicate effectively, manage emotions, and treat others with kindness and respect. Your actions speak louder than words.
9. Embrace the Team Mindset
Parenting a teenager is not a solo journey—it’s a team effort. Your home is the playing field, and every family member plays a role. Work together to solve problems, celebrate successes, and support each other through challenges. When your teen feels like part of a team, they’re more likely to contribute positively and feel valued.
Why This Book Matters
WHY THEY ARE... THE WAY THEY ARE... is more than just a parenting guide—it’s a heartfelt exploration of the teenage experience and a call to action for parents to build stronger, more connected families. Coach M J’s approach is rooted in empathy, understanding, and practical strategies that any parent can implement.
By focusing on the nine key principles outlined in the book, you can transform your home into a place of love, trust, and resilience. You’ll not only navigate the challenges of parenting a teen but also create a foundation that will strengthen your family for years to come.
Parenting a teenager is undoubtedly challenging, but it’s also an incredible opportunity to grow, connect, and build a lasting bond with your child. As Coach M J reminds us, it’s not about control - it’s about understanding, connection, and teamwork.
Let’s embrace the journey, understand why THEY are the way THEY are, and create a home where everyone feels seen, heard, and valued.